To My Love
To My Love,
It's in all futility that I am writing this to you. It will never get to you. You have hardly felt my presence, much less the existence of something as intangible as a blog. I have at best, existed as a friend who comes to your help when you are in need. A friend to make polite talk with, a friend to hide behind, a friend to stare at if I happen to look pretty in your eyes that day. And I cease to exist as anything more from that point.
My dear friend, forgive me for blaming you. For I loved you so much and it pained me greatly when you denied my love. It was a brutal shove to a little girl who was trying to grow up and find her feet. How I adored you when you came along! The sunshine of your smile that radiated infectiously in the room. The ludicrous jokes that you never cease to make. You brought a smile to a face that was stained with tears.
But you drove me to despair when you fell for another girl. I could only watch you from afar, patient. Taking comfort in your happiness and seeking solace from the quiet of the night. I could only bury my tears in the softness of the pillow and allowed the wind to carry my sorrow. When things fell apart between you and her, I caught you neatly in my lap. Shielding you, and hoping that it will be my turn to be loved by you. But it was not meant to be, for there were fairer creatures out there worthier of you time and attention. For I was only a little girl who loved flowers and fairies in your eyes, and you demanded more.
My love, how I would have loved to watch you shine! I would have loved watching you grow. I would want to tell you each day how much I love you and how proud of you I was. I would want to hold your hand and keep it warm, and tread with you through your dark times. I would stand behind and let you take the stage. I would have showered you with hugs and kisses, and tip-toed to peck you on your forehead!
But alas, you love not me. For 8 months, I lead my life around you. Loving you relentlessly. Hanging up my dreams for you. Waiting for you to love me. But now, I guess it's time I let you go. For deep down inside, I know that I will never be the girl you can love. Even the gods deem so. It's time for me to learn to stand on my own again. To walk without weights dragging around my heel. To run unbridled free and happy once again. To cast a veil over the sun of your smile and bury the memories of time we spent deep into the sands. Drown out the sound of your voice and blur the shadow of your back. To deafen my ears to the quiet stealth of your walk. It's time I learn to let go.
I have got to let my hair flow free and lift my head high. Shake away the dust from my dreams and let them fly. Find my feet and soar high. I have to kiss you goodbye. I thank you for picking me up once. But, I can't be breathing down under for long. My mind is coming undone. But I shall love you always, for being my first.
Love,
T
It's in all futility that I am writing this to you. It will never get to you. You have hardly felt my presence, much less the existence of something as intangible as a blog. I have at best, existed as a friend who comes to your help when you are in need. A friend to make polite talk with, a friend to hide behind, a friend to stare at if I happen to look pretty in your eyes that day. And I cease to exist as anything more from that point.
My dear friend, forgive me for blaming you. For I loved you so much and it pained me greatly when you denied my love. It was a brutal shove to a little girl who was trying to grow up and find her feet. How I adored you when you came along! The sunshine of your smile that radiated infectiously in the room. The ludicrous jokes that you never cease to make. You brought a smile to a face that was stained with tears.
But you drove me to despair when you fell for another girl. I could only watch you from afar, patient. Taking comfort in your happiness and seeking solace from the quiet of the night. I could only bury my tears in the softness of the pillow and allowed the wind to carry my sorrow. When things fell apart between you and her, I caught you neatly in my lap. Shielding you, and hoping that it will be my turn to be loved by you. But it was not meant to be, for there were fairer creatures out there worthier of you time and attention. For I was only a little girl who loved flowers and fairies in your eyes, and you demanded more.
My love, how I would have loved to watch you shine! I would have loved watching you grow. I would want to tell you each day how much I love you and how proud of you I was. I would want to hold your hand and keep it warm, and tread with you through your dark times. I would stand behind and let you take the stage. I would have showered you with hugs and kisses, and tip-toed to peck you on your forehead!
But alas, you love not me. For 8 months, I lead my life around you. Loving you relentlessly. Hanging up my dreams for you. Waiting for you to love me. But now, I guess it's time I let you go. For deep down inside, I know that I will never be the girl you can love. Even the gods deem so. It's time for me to learn to stand on my own again. To walk without weights dragging around my heel. To run unbridled free and happy once again. To cast a veil over the sun of your smile and bury the memories of time we spent deep into the sands. Drown out the sound of your voice and blur the shadow of your back. To deafen my ears to the quiet stealth of your walk. It's time I learn to let go.
I have got to let my hair flow free and lift my head high. Shake away the dust from my dreams and let them fly. Find my feet and soar high. I have to kiss you goodbye. I thank you for picking me up once. But, I can't be breathing down under for long. My mind is coming undone. But I shall love you always, for being my first.
Love,
T
posted by ennui at 10:17 PM
2 Comments:
Dear Shao and Andritz,
I just want to tell you i love you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being patient with a foolish friend. And it is also my promise to you that i will be there to catch you if you fall just as you have helped me in my time of need all these years. Though, it is my greater wish that you will never fall and stand tall. I want to tell you that I am proud of you too. I am proud of what you girls have achieved spiritually and academically. I am proud that you are girls of fine and upright character. I love you all.
Love, Tania
You are very much welcome my dear junior =) Love you lots =)
I agree with Shao. But what I think is that it is flowery diction that truly conveys the real-time experience of any emotion through something as dead as words. When "dead" words are aptly juxtaposed to express an emotion, they come alive and the person who is going through it at the moment appears more real. And that is when anyone can genuinely understand what she truly feels as they are somehow experiencing it themselves through the words that constitute her flowery diction.
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