Letter to A Friend

Dear Mr XX,

I know I promised to write, I apologize for not. My results failed to live up to expectations, so I got to kiss the thought of studying in the U.S. goodbye. In a few years perhaps, I promise. But rest assure, I got my A for literature. I withdrew into my shell in the weeks after that. Itwas foolish to wallow in a state of self-pity andbitterness. But that was precisely what I did. Being a pain in other's ass. The slightest mention of my results would have provoked me into tears. My parents pack me off to Japan after that (on the pretext of letting me improve my Japanese). My uncle had acompany apartment there, so we troubled him for 3weeks. Three weeks of travel in Japan was beautiful.It did ease my soul for a while. It allowed me to run away, to forget. It was a spiritual journey albeit incomplete. My traveling companion was my Father,compromises had to be made in some travel decisions.It was this endless hurry to get from one place toanother when all I wanted to do was stop and ponder.

Coming back was tough. A piece in me is still missing.I am still a fool to brood over it. But I am attempting to move on. I got accepted in the Arts andSocial Science faculty of National University ofSingapore; and the Business Faculty of Nanyang Technological University. Both bigwigs of the education system here. I am in a dilemma. Simplydrifting and gravitating to the calls of others. NUS would allow me to dabble with subjects like political science and literature. I am not too sure about my future with it. Business does seem simpler. I have yet to pick up a pen proper for months. Thismust be the longest writing piece I have done in months. Though I have started reading of late. I put them away for a while. They are coming back, slowly.John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men”. "The QuietAmerican" by Graham Greene, he wrote it before theVietnam War. It bears uncanny similarities to reality.Strange, how prophetic.Do take care.

Once again I apologize for not writing.Say hello to A and your family from me.

Regards,
Ennui

Letter to A Friend (2)

Dear Mr XX,

Thank you for your comforting words. In fact, they were more than words of comfort. It gave me some direction. Something that I am in dire need of. The university issue has been a bugbear of late. I am in utter dilemma. Life after the A level exams does seem so aimless and uncertain. Growing up scares me silly.I am terrified of the responsibilities and choices we have to make. Too many sacrifices and choices we haveto make. It brings nothing but pain.

University – it’sa fight between one’s love and rationality. A business degree would be more marketable than an arts degree.Yes, it still boils down to the hateful “dollar and cents” issue. I loathe it. It makes life so wretched.This horrid chase that we all embrace.

“Oh Lord, what fool these mortals be”. – Puck in Midsummer Night’s Dream

Running away does seem so much easier. The problemspile up though, if only they would wither away. Yet,how do you mend a broken spirit? Perhaps, I am not the only one with shattered dreams.

I am too proud. I fear mediocrity. Somehow, the thought of sitting behind an office desk for the next40 years of my life frightens me. Yet, only a fewwould be able to go beyond. I fear graduation. I fear the things life may bring.

Truly,
Ennui and her disjointed thoughts

Letting Go

I have decided to let it go. It's 4.20am Singapore time. I am up . It will just be one beautiful memory for me to smile at. That smile to think off when I down. That smile to thrill and leave me with irrepresssable pleasure. That lingering smile...

Letting Go

I have decided to let it go. It's 4.20am Singapore time. I am up . It will just be one beautiful memory for me to smile at. That smile to think off when I down. That smile to thrill and leave me with irrepresssable pleasure. That lingering smile...

Heartbroken

For many reasons, I am heartbroken. No,it is not love. Or yes it is. Or no it isn't. My heart is just broken. Plain and simple.

How Do I Love Thee
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Penny For Your Thoughts

Penny for your thoughts

I’ve got to know where I stand
I just for to know where I am with you

So here’s penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me
Penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me

Walkin’ holdin’ hands, you say you’re mine all mine
Then soon another face steals your eyes away
It’s just a guessing game and I can’t help feelin’ used
Love shouldn’t be so darn confused

So here’s penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me
Penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me

People love to talk, they say you’re usin’ me
Though face to face you swear I’m the only one
If I had a crystal ball I would gaze into your mind
See what you were thinkin’, if my ship was sinkin’
If you’re leavin’ me behind

So here’s penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me
Penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me

Girl, it should be so darn easy to do
If you love me like I love you
Girl, if I had a crystal ball [A crystal ball] I would gaze into your mind
See what you were thinkin’, if my ship was sinkin’
If you’re leavin’ me behind

So here’s penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me
Penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me

Girl, it should be so darn easy to do
If you love me like I love you
So here’s penny for your thoughts (Hey, baby), a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me (You tell me you love me)

Penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss.
A dime if you tell me that you love me
So here’s penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss (Ooh, your thoughts, baby)
A dime if you tell me that you love me

Penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss (Ooh, a kiss, baby)
A dime if you tell me that you love me
Penny for your thoughts, a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me

Penny for your thoughts {Only me, only me}, a nickel for a kiss
(Just me) {Yeah, yeah, yeah} (Oh, yeah, yeah)

Penny for your thoughts (Just your thoughts), a nickel for a kiss (And a kiss, baby)
A dime if you tell me that you love me (Tell me you love me)
Penny for your thoughts {Only me}, a nickel for a kiss {Darling, can’t you see}(Oh, yeah) {Yeah, yeah} (Yeah, yeah)

Penny for your thoughts (Ooh, baby), a nickel for a kiss
A dime if you tell me that you love me

I'll Never Fall In Love

I'll never fall in love againBetty Buckley:

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble,
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what it's all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out/
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you--

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow, I'll

Both: Never fall in love again! I'll never fall in love again!

Tony Roberts: What do you get when you give your heart?
You get it all broken up and battered.
That's what you get, a heart that's shattered.
I'll never fall in love again. I'll never fall in love again.
Don't tell me what it's all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out. Out of those chains, those chains that bind you.

Betty Buckley: That is why I'm here to remind you.

Both: What do you get when you fall in love? You only get lies and pain and sorrow,
So, for at least, until tomorrow

Betty Buckley: I'll

Both: Never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Darling Sensei

Sensei - backview, originally uploaded by ennuisg.

As always, I am very fond of my teachers. She is no exception. Ever so sweet and charming. I am one lucky gal to meet good teachers all my life. With a few notable exceptions.

Super Mess

Super Mess, originally uploaded by ennuisg.

Look at my horrendous room. My sister spruced it up a little for the photo, the messy side is at the other end. Shame on me. I so undomesticated.

Tearing and Confuse

Sometimes I wonder what's the search all about. It is simply a concept that I have encountered upon in literature. Metaphysical, spiritual, emotional and easily physical. To some, the sole reason that I am on this search is that I am such a literature prude. I wonder myself. But to go on one is such a compelling feeling. You run away, you question. It is so full of angst.

There were many a times on my Japan travels that I would like to kneel before the benevolent image of Buddha and pray. And most of all, cry. I desire this state of deafening silence to cry. To weep. That would be the greatest gift at this moment in time.

Just allow me to cry without questions.

Bad Day

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the bling
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Kawaii Ne!

All things beautiful from Japan...

Monster Height

Being tall has its disadvantages. I am 172cm. That's not horrendously tall yet, but I do get into awkward scrapes because of it. Like banging my head when I am on the bus cause I am such a klutz. And the worst punishment of all - not being able to buy a yukata (summer kimono). I am taller than the average Japanese woman. Ready-made and affordable yukatas are off the limits. I need it tailored, which is expensive. I need a yukata real bad for dance.

I love the yukatas above. But it is 6cm too short for me. The difference may be small, but it affects the execution of dance moves. Kill me.

On the High

I have been on a morphine high for the past month. I am not on drugs. My morphine was Japan, it allowed me to run away from my troubles. It was escapism for me. It was a spiritual journey that I was so afraid to embrace because of my Christian influences. I was seeking but I found nothing. The experience was incomplete. I needed to be away - alone. Having Dad for company was not ideal, accomodations and compromises have to be made when one travels with another. I could not do as I please. I could not sit and watch the day go by. I could not bask under the sun. It was just this relentless hurry to get to all the sights.

I am still wallowing in this state of self-pity. I cry in my heart. What a fool am I.

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

SOS

I pretty keen on revamping my blog. New blog skin for starters. Something funky, something cool. Suggestions anyone? I pretty much a tech idiot, I am gonna need some help.

Titillating Tokyo

I have not written much about Tokyo yet. The last piece was pretty much a digression from it's title. But I do love this city despite it's hurried nature. It can be a cold and claustrophobic place, after all it is a city. Bu it's compactness does afford us with plenty of things to do, especially on a fine day. The weather can make or break your day. Unlike tropical rains which ends after a heavy downpour, rain can trickle all day in Japan. It is a torture without good working shoes. I wore my canvas flats that would seep up all the rain water. It was terrible each time it rain. Moreover, Japan is not exactly big on covered walkways. Nearly everyone carries an umbrella. The most ubiquitous type of umbrella would be a transparent kind. How cute! (Kawaii ne!)

The streets of Ginza dazzles! Flagship stores of luxury brands line the strip. Huge deparmental stores rise up to 10 stories. People flood the streets It is such a vibrant and lively city. While Singapore has only one shopping district, that is, the all so crummy Orchard Road. Tokyo has multiple! And each has its unique characteristic. For example:

Harajuku: It's a teenage heaven! All the cute, weird, goth and kitsch exist here. On Sundays, teenagers dressed up as gothic lolitas hang around here hoping for a photo oppurtunity. Yep, they want to be photograph! Freaky! Upmarket stores line at the other side of this street. It's all so diverese

Ueno: I love this place! There is fantastic flea market (Ameya Cho Ko) here. A big pack of Herseys chocolate go for $7 here. I was really tempted to invest in a pack, but the packaging looked so crumpled. Its origin and shelve life had room for doubt. Octopus tentacles for sale at the fishmonger! R & B wear for sale. More than 500 shops pack this lane!

Shinjuku: The floodgates of people are released here. Even on a weeknight, this place is like Chinatown on New Year Eve. My father loves this place. Older Japanese call this a crazy place! Here, you can buy the company of the male species. Yep, gigolos line the streets seeking business. No sex involved for those high class establishments. Mind you, top gigolos easily earn up to $80 million yen a night. Young adults populate this area. It was the first place I visted upon my arrival in Japan. It had one of the most profound impact on us.

Asakusa: The famous Sensoji temple sits at this place. Tourisy shops line the streets here. But the back streets are worht a visit, it's pretty rustic. Best of all - the Kappa-Bashi Street, it is a stretch of stores that sell everything related to kitchenware. Japan's famous plastic models of food come from here too. Cooking uniforms, fridges, pancake makers, lanterns to hang by your store. Everything is thought of here!

Ginza: Ah, the all famous Ginza. Need I say more? This is the place where all the classy and refinement exist.

Head Over Heels In Love With Tokyo

Yep, I am still in this ditzy mood and extolling the virtues of beautiful Japan. I will try to get the pictures up soon. Seriously, I am doing the Japan Tourism Board a favour here. :P *chuckle* They are trying to boost their tourism numbers. Though there is much room for improvement in their marketing techniques. My advice - take a leaf from Korea. JNTO (Japan National Tourism Organisation) doesn't seem to be getting it right in my opinion. Honestly, Dick Lee doesn't seem to be a good tourism ambassador for Japan. Yes, he may be popular among Japanese. But more importantly, it should be a Japanese figure who is popular among SIngaporeans so as to draw us there. Fans would do the craziest thing to get to their idols. Anyway, I digress.

Tokyo is just such a fantastic city. I was dazzled by the lights of the city. Shopping - it's hundred times better than Orchard Road. Their underground shopping malls is a maze to be explored. Though, the best undergound shopping mall in my view is the one at the Nagoya station. It diverges to so many places. You can easily spend up to a day exploring an area.

FAQ

Q: Did I fall in love?
A: Yes! truly, madly, deeply. ( I know, it sounds cheesy. :p)

Q: Did I fall in love with a boy? ( I am sure that's the big question)
A: I had a crush on this cute guy that I saw on the Shinkansen twice! What a wonderful coincidence! And Japan is a country with a population of 29 million. He had this goofy grin on his face every time I saw him, and best of all - dimples. The first time I saw him, he was with an aunty of his, and he was chatting away with her. The second time I saw him, I just melted in my seat. Literally. I sat erect in my seat,and when I saw him I simply slumped down.

The boys in Nihon are just hunky. They are sartorially inclined unlike those in Singapore. The Brokeback Mountain look is in, but it is never over done. Really subtle cowboy influences. The schoolboy uniform is just so smart. Most wear black shirts with Chinese collars. I am so in love with the uniform.

Q: How about the girls?
A: The girls in Nihon are pretty too. Fair of skin and really well dressed. I love the girls in MacDonald, they are ever so sweet. They are like the girls out of your MacDonald advertisement. They bend down to your eye level, and speak to you in an extremely sweet voice. I got enchanted by their big doey eyes. It was like a childhood dream come true for me. My first experience with the MacDonald girls turned me into a child. I felt so good.

Q: Is the food oishii?
A: There are the good and the bad. But one thing for sure, tasty or horrible, they all look pretty. The bento sets are so prettily wrapped, alas, they are not always good. By the way, bento sets are cold.

My second meal in Nihon was an interesting experience. I had to buy a food voucher from a vending machine outside of the restaurant. Upon entering the restautrant, I handed my food voucher to the cook. He will whipped up the dish at an amazing rate and hand it to you, which you are suppose to gobble up at lightning rate. The restaurant as mentioned is only a little cooking corner with table tops. You eat standing. I hate a terrible time then, the men were all so fast, I was just trying to shovel down the food as quick as I could. (By the way, I am a pretty quick eater.) 3 men by me finished their noodles before I was done with mine. But the cook was terribly kind, I think he knew I was having a hard time. Offering me soup, and teaching us how to work the cooler to get water. That's the beauty of Japan.

One thing for sure, Japanese sweets and their desserts are the best. I had wicked sakura and sweet potato ice cream while I was there. I love the latter. Oishii! And this Japanese sweet I had was just fantastic (Sugoi!) - strawberry wrapped with mochi and red bean. Mine, I am salivating, just thinking of it. It was the best I have eaten. I bought it off a shop in Ginza, and the girl serving me was just so sweet. It was beautifully wrapped in a box and a paper bag despite of the fact that only two was bought.

Q:Did I see sakuras?
A: Yes I did. Plenty. They bloom at different times at different places. Up North where it is colder, it blooms in late April/early May. The best sakura viewing spot was along the Path of Philosophy in Kyoto. It was joy to stroll through the canopy of trees. The name of the street is derived from the fact that a famous scholar used to stroll along its streets. The stretch of road has a nice blend of commercialism and local flavour. One would expect tourisy shops to line its streets, but some stoicly remains as housing for the locals. It was beautiful (kirei). I just gave my heart and soul to the place.

Q: Did I see Mount Fuji?
A: Yes, I did catch sight of that iconic image of Japan. My inn had gorgeous view of it. Alas, I was unable to climb it as it was not the climbing season. I went to the Lake Kawaguchi area in order to view it. But truly, I think Lake Sai afforded a better view of it. By Lake Sai, there is a beautiful hotel called Ashiwara ( if I am not wrong). In the light of the sun, you would think that it is a house out of a Hollywood movie. It is gorgeous. I swear to go back and stay in that hotel one day.

By purchsing this 2 day sightseeing pass that allowed me to hop around the Fuji resort area, I was able to visit the ice caves and herb gardens. It was so cool. The Wild Bird Park in that resort area afforded one of the best view of Fuji. There is this big expanse of green that allows you to frolick about. Unfortunately, my photos of the place are ruined. How? It will be another story.

In April, the Fuji View Hotel will be one place worth visiting. I was fortunate to do so, it has many varieties of sakuras in their garden. It is a favourite spot among locals to do some painting. Little children on school outings go there to draw too! The kids are simply adorable. They say konichiwa to you as you pass and with their rosy cheeks, they . are simply so adorable. Honestly, I am contemplating a career as an English teacher in Japan.

When I walked out of the hotel to wait for the bus (that comes by hourly) by the lakeside, this funny old man engaged me a conversation. He spoke a smattering of English like the way I speak a smattering of Japanese. Amazingly, we were able to understand each other. He was the captain that ferried Princess Diana across the lake when she visited. He is retired now, a little lonely and eager for company. I guess, that was why he engaged me in conversation. He ferries tourists on his speedboat now for some pocket oney. His wife died when she was 32, he showed me a photo. A little sad. His health is failing too, he claims to have less than two years to live. I hope I can go back before then, though odds are pretty much against it. He is such a dear. I am really fond of him even though the connection we made was so short. Interesting fact - he found me beautiful! It was so sweet of him, but he was so happy to see a young girl like me without makeup. I think it was refreshing change for him. Every girl from young to old puts on copious amount of makeup. You are an oddity if you don't.

There was an encounter on the train that is pretty amusing. I was on a train and turned my head to look back. I saw a man with a thick layer of face powder on his face, and I was absolutely shocked! Similarly, he was shock to see none on mine. I saw this flitting look of horror on him. He spend the next half-an-hour on the train doing his makeup. I drooled away, sleeping. :) That guy did not fit my ideal of hotness.

Soon...

To Japan With Love

I left my heart in Japan and it pains me to be back. I gave my heart to the people, place and children. Nihon(Japan) swept me off my feet. I fell in love with that land, drowning in this deep abyss of romance. This romantic flutter that gives me the strength to live on. My salutations to Japan. Come one day, I will be back.